August 2012
1 post
8 tags
"I am your stubborn hypocritical lover, guarded by...
How do you begin to explain the damage that domestic violence does to you? Is it really fair to ever expect anyone on the outside to understand? What about your lover, can you really ever tell them everything? I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. The memories keep creeping up, the flashbacks and the snapshots. I need to tell someone, I need to get the worst of the worst off my...
February 2012
1 post
“Sometimes life throws us curve balls, but whether or not we let it strike us out...”
– The Domestic Project
January 2012
1 post
"I've run out complicated theories, so now I'm...
After so long of doing okay, I’m back where I started. My best friend ran into him at the mall, literally minutes after I left. He was with another woman, a woman actually his age. He had his hair pulled back in that all too familiar bun, it used to be my favorite. After doing some digging and fake profile making I found his new facebook, that I’ve been appropriately blocked from...
August 2011
3 posts
5 tags
"This hunger grows inside me like a tumor, the...
For five years Ana and I had too close a relationship. My scale was the only thing I had control over as my life spiraled into a mess of teen angst and horrible depression. I clutched to my one guarantee, my one familiarity no matter where I went — hunger. The control I felt consumed me. I felt proud, however misplaced it was, when I noticed the scale getting lower and my collar bones...
6 tags
"You're the only one who drags me kicking and...
When it comes to matters of the heart, why does your brain always play devil’s advocate? If your heart is telling you to reach for something a mile out of your grip, why does your brain then say, “No, play it safe and avoid the risk of failing,”? Is this a defense mechanism we all have? Is this another case of the age old battle between love and logic? And why, if this...
8 tags
"Cause I am fragile, I am hopeless, I'm not...
It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything new. I was put off posting because for a while I wasn’t sure what to say. I was starting to move past the initial trauma. But, then I remembered that life after abuse isn’t just about the ordeal we went through. It’s about the day to day life we lead from then on. It’s about the changes that stick with us...
March 2011
1 post
"I try so hard, because I don't know what I'm...
I haven’t posted anything in a while because I really haven’t known what to say. I hit a really low point where I just didn’t want to get out of bed anymore. I felt like life had just swallowed me up and that was that. But, things are getting better now. I finally found a job and it’s doing something I love. So things are starting to look up for me and I feel so blessed...
February 2011
9 posts
missgingerlee asked: Some of the things you post make me cry. Not because of what they say...but because I could have written quite a few of them myself. I hate knowing these things happened to me, but I really, really hate knowing other people have dealt with the exact same stuff.
It seems like nobody in the 'real world' talks about this stuff, or that nobody has ever gone through anything...
It seems like nobody in the 'real world' talks about this stuff, or that nobody has ever gone through anything...
whitegirlmexicaaanswag asked: i know this isnt a question. its a comment.
i seem to be reading your posts everyday and i just wanted to say, thank you. Myself being a victim of domestic abuse, i know what your going through. everyone excpects you to be back to the same person after abuse, but its not like that at all. I know all the flowers, and the "it wont happen again". i fell for it. for 3 years....
i seem to be reading your posts everyday and i just wanted to say, thank you. Myself being a victim of domestic abuse, i know what your going through. everyone excpects you to be back to the same person after abuse, but its not like that at all. I know all the flowers, and the "it wont happen again". i fell for it. for 3 years....
9 tags
"All the things one has forgotten scream for help...
Dreams are supposed to be our break away from reality, our escape from the chaos of every day life. But, what are you to do when your dreams are the very thing causing all your chaos? How do you just stop dreaming? I have always been a very lucid dreamer and I have always remembered every dream I have per night (usually about 6 or 7). I’ve never wished it away because I know it’s...
roz007 asked: This isn't a question, but after skimming through your last 3 posts, I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I completely empathize with your feelings and experiences in regards to the reactions of the closest people in your life. After leaving an abusive relationship, there is nothing more devastating than being re-traumatized and invalidated by the people closest to you. ...
"I am on your side. Although it may seem useless,...
So I’m 98% sure that two people I’m quite fond of are in abusive relationships. Maybe I’m just seeing things that aren’t there, or maybe I’m just more in tune with what to look for because I’ve been there myself, but either way it’s a very tough spot to be in. The one girl I’m fairly close with, so I don’t really feel weird coming out and...
"I walk barefoot where the water drowns the sand,...
I suppose I should get used to being alone. Or become a huge drama queen because that’s the only time people ever take me seriously. It really makes me mad that I have to resort to facebook statuses about how I’m done with all my RL friends for them to actually pay any attention to me. Why is it that I can call and call and call and never once get a call back, but as soon as I...
6 tags
"You self destructive little girl. Pick yourself...
I received a call back from the principal of one of the high schools by me. He was calling in regards to my proposal to come in and talk to his freshman health class about the unglamorous reality of teen pregnancy and domestic violence. Two totally different topics, two totally different struggles, both woven into my complicated life story. So as soon as the principal figures out available...
5 tags
"Each confession I make translates to you as an...
Two posts in one night, I know, I’m on a roll. But this one is different, as it’s regarding my last post. I’ve been bottling that up for quite some time and finally someone said something seemingly harmless but it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I won’t apologize for it, because I do feel that way, but it could have been worded better and been...
7 tags
"I need patience, and someone strong enough to...
I’m so fucking tired of nobody listening to me! They all hear me, they all respond with fucking pity in their eyes, and then they forget! If someone told you, “Yeah, I was in a really abusive relationship where I was made to feel like everything I do and say is stupid and I’m worthless and replaceable,” wouldn’t you think, “Hm, well maybe I should be a little...
January 2011
2 posts
"The spotlight burned in the room when we were...
Why can’t I let people get close to me? For a while I thought it was because I feared getting hurt again, but the more time goes on and the more I push people away I realize, it’s not me I’m afraid of hurting, it’s them. I feel like I’m nothing but a load of baggage and nobody should have to put up with it. The idea of someone actually wanting to just doesn’t...
9 tags
"I wish you'd see it on my face, but I'm caught...
Some days it’s easy to go on acting normal, like nothing ever happened. But, there is never a day that goes by that I don’t think of what happened, think of what could have happened, think of what still could happen. It eats away at me like an infectious disease; that’s what he is, an infectious disease. Today was not one of those easy days. I was...
